


The Hulk Smash

by infinityinmirrors (poisonedbymako), TheBlackDress



Series: Club Smash 'Verse [3]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Tony is not a bartender but he tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonedbymako/pseuds/infinityinmirrors, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackDress/pseuds/TheBlackDress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony tries (and fails) to impress the team with his drink mixing skills.</p>
<p>The Hulk still just wants to dance.</p>
<p>Or 'The one in which Bartender Tony is unappreciated'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One shot as part of our Club Smash universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hulk Smash

"I present to you..." Tony waves his hands dramatically over the newly fixed bar and the small boxed 'surprise' he'd placed there, and Steve is kind of torn between giving Tony adoring looks and just kissing him senseless, "...the Star Spangled Martini!"

The box is pulled back and the drink underneath is revealed - a pale blue thing with stars etched into the glass, and a bright red dye around the rim.

"So, what do you think?" Tony asks, arms crossed and pride written across his face, "Pretty good right?"

When Steve tells him they are not selling drinks called Star Spangled anything at Smash, Tony's cry of anguish actually convinces some of the workmen out the back the club is haunted.

 

\-----

 

"The Tazer!" Tony repeats, and Coulson gives the drink in front of him another suspicious glare before looking back up and rolling his eyes. The drink is clear except for a few ice cubes, and Coulson is almost convinced it's just water and Stark is teasing him.

Again.

Noticing Coulson's unappreciative gaze, Tony sighs and takes the glass back.

"So it's not that impressive at first," He admits, fiddling with something at the bottom of the glass before setting it back down, "But watch this!"

There's a moments pause, then a crackle of electricity runs through the glass and the liquid inside turns an impressive shade of lilac.

"It's even purple. Symbolic and all that," Tony winks.

Coulson just gives him a look that says "If you sell this I will tazer you" and leaves to find out if Clint is still hooking up lights in the rafters.

 

\-----

 

"The Widows Sting!" Tony announces, passing a tall glass to Natasha as she sits at the bar and attempts to brush the dust off of her shirt.

"Does it have vodka in it?" She asks, and Tony nods.

"Almost lethal amounts."

Natasha grabs the glass, throws it back in one go and stands again.

"Not lethal enough," She tells him, and Tony is still left standing there slack jawed long after she is gone.

 

\-----

 

"How come I don't have a drink?" Clint asks one day, hanging at the DJ booth as Tony wires in connections for JARVIS.

"I tried," Tony admits from somewhere in the wires, "But I couldn't think of a good enough name."

"How about...The Hawk," Clint suggests.

Tony doesn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

 

\-----

 

"Brother!" Thor starts, but Tony just waves him away.

"Nope, I've given up making drinks! No one appreciated my hard work! Besides, there's a bunch of mead in the back for you."

 

\-----

 

They're testing out the sound system when Tony has an idea, and plays what he has dubbed the Hulk Dance remix.

The effect is instantaneous, and Bruce is able to give Tony one angry look before the Hulk is there, swaying and dancing like it's no ones business.

Tony kind of expects Bruce to come back when he turns off the music, but instead the Hulk stays around, wanders to the bar and starts grabbing drinks at random from the shelves.

Before Tony can stop him, the Hulk has smashed them together in a bowl and created some - ironically - green concoction that smells vile but, when Tony can get close enough, tastes amazing.

The amount of alcohol instantly makes his head spin though, and before he falls back into Steve's waiting arms he raises a hand and smiles.

"I call it...the Hulk Smash!"

Surprisingly, the name sticks.

**Author's Note:**

> TBD: THIS VERSE WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. I hope you enjoy the silliness. I certainly do :D


End file.
